From the first hour of my life, from the first breath I
took, I was a daughter. That is a role I have always known, always been
comfortable in; for as long as I’ve been alive, I’ve been someone’s daughter.
In fact, this part of me existed before my life here on
earth—in heaven, at the beginning of my spiritual existence, I had a Heavenly
Father and a Heavenly Mother. And, because (clearly) I’m not the only spirit
child They ever had (I’m looking at you, my friends), my spirit has also always
been a sister. Roughly three years into my earthly life, I gained that title in
mortality as well.
As I have grown, there are other roles I have become. (To
clarify, when I refer to “roles” in this way, I am not talking about the kind
of thing an actor takes on, in the sense that it is fake. I mean that there are
different relationships I have formed and different responsibilities I have
assumed throughout my life.) I have become a student. A friend. A musician.
Sometimes (admittedly) I became an antagonist, particularly as I was functioning
in my role as a sister. I have learned to be a teacher. I’ve been a roommate,
an author, a consumer. Also a hostess, custodian, cashier, secretary. I am a
leader. I am a missionary. I am a disciple.
Certainly, I am not perfect in these roles, and there are
some in which I feel more capable than others. (For instance, I’d say I’m
pretty solid as a musician. But as an author…) I sometimes look back at my
fairly brief existence on this planet and say, “Not bad, self. Look at all you’ve
learned. Look at all you’ve become.”
And then I look ahead. (Cue internal panic attack.)
It’s easy for me to envision all that lies ahead of me in
life and to freak out that I AM NOT READY FOR THIS. With a college degree under
my belt, both grad school and real life jobs look daunting. How am I supposed
to know all I need to know about loans and insurance and investments and
budgets? The laws and political system in our country seem pretty intimidating
to a less-than-knowledgeable girl who just wants to contribute and be a
responsible voter. Wait, just how many different kinds of dishwashers exist out
there??
But at the same time, this is how we grow. We are here to be
tested, to be put into new situations and figure things out. We’re not supposed
to know how to be a _____ (fill in the blank) before we become that thing! We
can be given advice and counsel from others who have been there before. We can
do our research. But until we start functioning in a role, we won’t know how to
actually fulfill it.
To me, that takes some of the scariness out of the “I don’t
know what I’m doing!” feeling I often have. I don’t have to know at first—I’ll
learn. And in process of learning, I’ll gain experiences, skills, abilities,
and attributes that will shape me. I will grow.
On my mind lately have been two additional roles that I am
about to take on, one in about a month, the other in the somewhat distant
future: Wife. Mother.
These are two roles I have never been before. Once I take on
these capacities, however, I will never NOT be these things. In some ways,
these roles scare me like none other has. They are, after all, likely the most
important responsibilities I will ever be given. But in other ways, I am more
excited to be a wife and a mom than I have about anything else I’ve ever done
or been. Because I know that, with the help of God, my life with my husband and
children will be the best, most rewarding part of who I am.
And therein lies the key: We need God’s help. In this mortal
quest to become like God, to gain the attributes that He possesses, His guiding
influence and power are essential in learning our roles. He knows all things.
He loves us perfectly and wants to help us. Don’t you think He will help you know
how to be a better student, leader, friend, or parent?
As we accept His guidance, I know He will bless us and help
us even more. He will illuminate our way, day by day, as we
learn to rely on Him. I’m still not going to be perfect at things right now, and life
is going to be messy no matter what.
But that’s kind of the point.
“That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light,
and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter
and brighter until the perfect day.”
-Doctrine and Covenants 50:24
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