A Dance Blog Post

One of my favorite things is dancing. Two of my favorite dances are Blues and Lindy Hop, they have their differences and similarities but I've noticed that I use Lindy Hop to kind of shout my happiness and I use Blues to figure out what is going on in my head. Ever since I broke my foot (about two years ago [being stupid and not listening to my body]) I've had a different relationship with Lindy Hop, there hasn't been that reckless abandon, that pure bliss that I used to find when dancing lindy. Aaaaand I'm not nearly as cocky confident as I was pre-break.

Now a couple of weeks ago I was dancing with a friend and after the dance I asked him what I could do to dance better. After thinking about it for a while, an interesting look came on his face and out of all the things I expected him to say, he said maybe the one thing I never would have thought of: look up more. He said that there is a lot of joy in dancing, I should share that, look up more. It doesn't have to be a fast song, even the slow ones have joy. or something like that

Here was me, asking for dance advice, and here was this guy who didn't know much about what was going on in my life, giving me so much more. A lot has happened in the past couple of months that has made being 'sad' pretty natural, and I was ignoring, even silencing the joy in my life and in my dancing. More than that though, when I dance I pretty much avoid eye contact. Eye contact is scary, intimidating even, it's personal, and avoiding eye contact means I get to stay in my own head space, it means using the dance to think about how I feel. I get told that I'm a good follow, and while I think I'm good at listening to what a lead wants me to do, I kind of forgot that in a dance I'm not the only one with 'stuff' to figure out, i'm not the only one 'talking'.

Gear Shift:
My new years resolution is to be happy more than I'm sad. That doesn't mean I plan to be pigheaded in my happiness but I want to make an extra effort that even when I'm sad, to have some extra happy stored up, sitting just under the surface, because right now I think it's the other way around, and even when I'm happy I've got this extra sad stored up, just under the surface. I think I'm ready to try a little harder to flip that around. I think the best place to start is in my dancing, with this eye contact thing. Most of my sadness comes from tricking myself that I'm alone, isolated, 'unique' in my sadness, and making eye contact is admitting that I am not alone, noticing that I am not the only person in the entire world trying to tell a story.

Dancing is already pretty personal, but for some reason eye contact feels like sharing so much more. Eye contact means seeing that I'm being heard, seeing that I'm listening, seeing whether or not it's just a dance for the other person. Because maybe I'm not being heard. How much are they feeling? How much of my soul are they really getting? How much of their soul am I really comprehending? Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on three minutes, but if a hug can make you feel less alone, imagine what a dance could do, a really really good dance, then imagine a dance with eye contact. A sad story can be told with joy, when it's not told alone. (and not all of my stories are sad)

so yeah, eye contact.

Why a Savior?

Some people out there might ask, "Why do we need a Savior?" or even, "Do we even need a Savior?"  The world makes it appear that we can change and become better all on our own.  From my own personal experiences I have found that isn't the case.  There's more to it.

To me the need for a Savior is a personal matter.  Each person can come to realize why they specifically need Him.  If I want peace, forgiveness, hope, healing, or any chance of changing and returning to live with Heavenly Father and my own family then I need a Savior.  Any glimmer of these aspirations comes through Him because on my own I am not capable, but "I can do all things through Christ" (Philippians 4:13).  For me that is a part of why He was sent.   To me that is a big part of why I need Him.

Why do you need a Savior?

Peace on Earth

You know why I like this video so much? I like seeing people who share my world, and I like seeing them happy.

Every time I get on Facebook, turn on the news, or read the newspaper, I see people freaking out. There is so much anger in the world, and contention, fear, confusion. It's overwhelming and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I like knowing that there are people all over the world who feel peace. I like thinking about the Person who gives peace to anyone who wants it.

A Savior is born, and thank heaven He was.

The Parable of the Spotter

About a year and a half ago I had an experience that had a big impact in my life.  So much so that I've wanted to share this with anyone and everyone willing to listen or read it.  I've found the ideas and principles have helped me through a lot of normal day-to-day things, especially when my motivation is lacking. 

Some of you may be able to relate to this.  I have always felt like I need to understand things and get them right the first time - in other words, perfectionism to a degree.  When I tried to focus on mastering one thing it seemed that I would start to struggle in another area. 

For example, we are taught to be "anxiously engaged" in striving to do good, but then we also should not "run faster than [we] have strength."  We know that it is important to plan for the future and be prepared, but then we read we should "take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself."  For me the question is not which side is right, but what am I doing wrong or what is it that I'm not understanding.  The more I tried to do it all and figure it all out the harder it seemed to be to keep tabs on every area.  Over time I have realized that I personally do not have the power or the current capacity to do all that I know.

About a year and a half ago I read an article by Elder Gerrit W. Gong, a General Authority for our church, entitled "Becoming Perfect in Christ."  In the article he addressed the very issue I had thought about and struggled with.  Instead of giving a quick fix, like the world seems to do these days, he said the answer was to better understand the "freely given atoning love" of the Savior, Jesus Christ.  He continued by saying this love "can free us from self-imposed, incorrect, and unrealistic expectations of what perfection is. Such understanding allows us to let go of fears that we are imperfect - fears that we make mistakes, fears that we are not good enough, fears that we are a failure compared to others, fears that we are not doing enough to merit His love."  This caught my attention and I began to think what it was about that love that He has that could do all this.  What about the Jesus Christ's love could change how I thought, how I felt, and how I approached what I knew?

The next day in church we were talking about how we have covenanted, or promised, to "serve the Lord with all the heart and all the mind, and with all the strength we have." But what does "all" mean? My "all" today is probably different from my "all" tomorrow? And my "all" is different from my parents', friends', and especially my almost-2 year old nephew? So how do I know when I have given and am giving my "all"?  As we talked about this a comment was made that related weight lifting to the topic and that's when things became clearer!

I don't know what to really call it to get the idea across so I"ll call it "The Parable of the Spotter."  Some people go to the gym to workout alone, some go with a friend to help spot them, and some find someone there to help out.  In this case bench pressing makes the most sense so I'll use that.  When you're bench pressing alone (and this is definitely from experience) you probably don't put as much weight on there as you can because being alone you don't want to get to that point on the last couple repetitions when you cannot get it all the way up.  When that happens you usually have to decrease the weight to finish or sell yourself short by not finishing the reps.

Now when you have a spotter things change.  The spotter usually pushes you to do as much weight as you can instead of settling for less.  Until you actually start benching the spotter is of no use.  Not only will they not help until you have started, but they can't help!  The spotter has their hands right under the bar, shadowing the bar with every repetition.  As soon as they feel you struggle they don't take the bar from you. Instead they begin to lift the bar but only just enough for the bar to continue moving up.  They simply lift enough for you to finish the rest of the reps.  For anyone who has experienced this your muscles become fatigued in a way that is different from when you do it alone.  It hurts more and you are more tired not to mention you will be feeling it for the next couple days.  However, by breaking down the muscles that much more with the spotter you become stronger than when doing it alone.

It's probably pretty obvious, but in this parable the "spotter" is the Savior. This whole idea helped me understand what that article was talking about and came as an answer to my prayers and fasting, or prayerfully going without food or drink for 3 meals for a special purpose.  It helped me understand the "freely given atoning love" of the Savior a little bit more.  When we try to do things on our own we are restricted to what strength we alone have so we may not take on as much as we can.  As things become difficult we sell ourselves short because we feel we cannot carry the burdens the rest of the way and may wonder if it's even possible.  However, when we stop trying to lift on our own and allow the Savior to be our "spotter" things are change.  The "weight" of the things we take on increases merely because He is there to help.  As soon as we begin to falter or sway He lifts - sometimes just enough for us to keep rising.  He does not remove the burdens, but allows us to continue pushing and enables us to make it the rest of the way.  However, there may be more pain and fatigue but that is often because we are growing and it is most likely faster than when we do things by ourselves.  And even back to the original question of how our "all" is defined, the Savior magnifies and increases our "all."  For some reason when we allow Him into our lives and work with Him our capacities increase.

I was grateful for this insight and how it helped me see things differently and changed my approach, but that wasn't all there was to it.  Soon after that experience when I was procrastinating homework but trying to refocus another thought came to mind.  If I don't even "lift" the "weight" then there is not much the spotter or Savior can do.  And, as with the spotter, it's not a matter of whether or not He will help us, but whether or not He can.  With all that He promises to do for us if we do nothing to lift the burdens I don't think there is much He can do.  We must at least begin to lift so He can do all He promises.

This understanding was what I was looking for.  And, as Elder Gong said, it allowed me to let go of fears of imperfection and of unrealistic expectations. The way I saw things was from my restricted way of seeing things and not from how the Savior sees things with his "freely given atoning love." Perfection is not something attainable on my own, nor is it something that I can simply achieve. There is no arrival point. There is a reason Moroni said in the Book of Mormon we are to become "perfect in Christ." When we are putting forth effort, however much we are able to at the time, He is there to compensate for what we lack and help us to keep moving forward and upward.